The past comes back to those who try to ignore it
by nimi1611
Summary: arthurs life is falling apart around him. what happens when his father finds out about his love for merlin, what happenes when their forced to separte ok is better then it sound and this is my 1st fanfic so be nice
1. Chapter 1

**Merlin Arthur fan fiction.**

**The past haunts those who try to ignore it.**

**It was late. He should have been asleep by now. Any normal person would be, but no Arthur was awake, lying down on his bed staring into the darkness. He hadn't been able to sleep properly since he had all but forced Merlin from his side. As time went on Arthur eventually drifted off to sleep. Visions of merlins face flashed before his eyes as he dreamt. Merlins face the 1****st**** time they meet, His face when he was told he was Arthur's manservant, his face the 1****st**** time Arthur hugged him close to his chest, the look in his eyes when he kissed him, the smile that covered his face when Arthur tole him he loved him, the look of shock as Uther walked into the room to find them together, the terrified look in his eyes as he was pulled away from Arthur and slammed into a wall. The pain that was visible to anyone when he was shoved into a cell. Arthur could still hear Merlin calling his name as Arthur was dragged away from him. The look of hurt and desperation as Arthur told him hey couldn't be together anymore, why didn't he understand that this was all he could do to save Merlin from death. In the end he begged Merlin to leave him almost forced him away. The look in merlins eyes made Arthur want to kill himself. His dreamed changed he was in the throne room with his father, he was madder then Arthur had ever seen him.**

" **he will die tomorrow"**

" **what no… you cant … he didn't … no please you cant kill him" Arthur pleaded.**

" **why no" **

" **because… I need him.. I cant live with out him.. Please I love him father please you can't kill him"**

**Uther didn't speak for a minuter, " you will remove him as you servant, if I ever see you two in the same room alone or with a meter of each other I will kill him without thinking, do you understand?"**

"**but" Arthur whispered **

"**do u understand" Uther yelled**

**Arthur woke up. He was covered in sweat and his hole body was shaking. He held his head in his hands. " why is this happening, why can't I get over this, why.." he stopped himself and laughed, he knew the answer he had for a long time, he loved Merlin, and nothing Uther did was going to changed that, but how could he, he couldn't even talk to Merlin with out putting his life in danger and that was something Arthur would never do, not again.**

**Arthur forced himself to get up before the sun was even up. He walked around the castle not planning to go anywhere but not wanting to stop. He turned a corner when he heard something behind him he turned to face the way the noise was coming from but instead walked straight into a wall and fell backwards. He hit the ground with a thud. He let himself lay there not having the will power to make himself get up, eventually someone would come and see him, probably think he passed out drunk and help him back to his room, all he had to do was go along with whatever they though happened to him. He tried to lift his head when he heard it. A soft whimpering sounds was coming from the other side of the wall. Arthur jumped up when he realised where he was. He had come to merlins rooms, of course he had where else would he want to be. The sound was getting louder and Arthur realised who is was. It was Merlin crying, he was in pain and it was all Arthur's fault. Arthur put his had on the wall and sighed, **

" **I'm sorry Merlin so ,so sorry and you'll never know…. I love you" Arthur said as a tear slide down his face and he walked away.**

"**Arthur" Morgona said as she entered his chambers.**

" **what is it" Arthur asked annoyed he didn't need this not now.**

" **you've no idea do you" she implied angrily**

" **about what" Arthur matched her tone.**

"**Merlins ill… Guias thinks he's doing it to himself but he wont admit it" she stated. " he wont say anything he just sits there with this look on his face like at any minute he's going to shatter in a million tiny pieces" she whispered sadly **

" **I know" Arthur breathed, Morgona stood up and stormed over to him " you what" she yelled, Arthur was scared he had never seen Morgona like this, "I said that I already new" Arthur said shaking his head, " and you sit here and do nothing, you let him suffer while you sit here and mop around like you're the one who is hurt" she accused him, whatever self control Arthur had was gone as soon as those words had left her lips, " YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HERE AND NOT THERE , YOU FOOL, YOU THINK I WANT HIM TO SUFFER, YOU SAY I DO NOTHIN BUT IF I WERE EVEN TO GO TO HIM IT WOULD BE THE DEATH OF HIM….." his blood was rushing through his veins as he yelled at her with such rage that it caused her to step backwards from him until she was leaning against the wall. "what do you mean. how could it be his death?" Morgona asked when she noticed Arthur was shaking again, " that's been happening as long as Merlin's been sick" she though to herself, she gasped to herself when she realised what Arthur and Merlin had been to each other, why she hadn't figured it out sooner, she didn't know. "oh Arthur I'm sorry" said as she hugged him, Arthur pulled away " he found out" he stated, "who?" Morgona asked confused, "Uther… he walked into the room when I was kissing him" Arthur laughed to himself remembering how sweet merlins lips had tasted. Morgona was trying to figure out why Uther knowing about them would mean anything when Arthur stood up and walked to the fire place. He stood there looking at the fire when he suddenly kicked at the chair next to the table. He couldn't control himself he just felt so angry and this was the only way he could take his anger out, Then he knocked the table over ,smashing anything that got in is way. " Arthur stop… please stop" she begged as she watched him destroy everything in his path. **

**Arthur stooped. He could feel his hands bleeding as he looked around his room. The only thing left was his bed, where a frightened Morgona sat with a very worried look fixed on her face.**

"**Arthur are you alright.. Is there" she began but was cut off by Arthur " just go please leave me be" he asked. Morgona nodded and left closing the doors behind her. Arthur laid down on his bed for another night with out sleep. **

**2 weeks had gone by since Arthur's fight with Morgona. He had avoided her at all costs, changing direction when he saw her walking his way, hiding in a room if he couldn't get away fast enough. Arthur sighed, it felt like his life was moving forward but he was stuck in the same place.**

**Arthur was ordering his new servant around, he didn't like him, he didn't want to replace Merlin, he didn't want a new servant he would rather do everything for himself then have another in Merlins place. **

"**And after you done with that you can go to my stables, clean everything in there and then go do the same for lady Morgona's stables" he ordered**

"**but sire I have to.." his servant boy said**

"**are you disobeying me" he growled **

"**no sire I just" he was cut off by a blood curling scream that shook through the castle. He knew that scream. It was Merlin, what was wrong, had something attacked him, had Uther heard him crying, whimpering his name and killed him on the spot. Arthur drooped the book he had been holding and bolted from the room. He couldn't see the faces that looked at him with confusion. He turned a corner with out looking where he was going and ran start into his father.**

" **Arthur what do you think your doing" Uther demanded**

" **saving him" was the only thing Arthur said before running away again.**

**Arthur barged through the doors of Gaius's chambers. He run up the stairs to find Gaius, Gwen and Morgona at merlins door trying to open it. **

"**Merlin…. Merlin what happened, are you alright" Gaius spoke in a serious tone.**

**Arthur looked at Gwen, she was crying. Hands beating at the door as if she tried hard enough it would open the door. "Merlin please let us in… please" she whispered. Morgona was on the other side of Gwen, the only emotion on her face was anger as she tried to unlock the door. Arthur took a step forward and Morgona's head spun back in his direction " don't just stand there you idiot do something for fuck sakes" she screamed at him and with that Arthur was brought back to earth. He suddenly realised what had happened. Merlins door was locked, the other were outside, Merlin was hurt but there was no one but himself in the room. He shock his head, no Merlin might be depressed but he wouldn't go that far, would he?. Arthur pushed the girls away and started bashing the door. Tears where running down his face as he tried to break into the room. "Merlin please open the door" he yelled not caring if the others could hear the desperation in his voice. When Merlin didn't respond Arthur using as much force as he could kicked at the door. The door open just enough for him to out his hand through and unlock the door.**

**Arthur dropped to his knees when he saw his worst fear come true in front of his eyes. Merlin was laying on the floor bleeding to death. The floor was covered in blood and he was steel bleeding .Arthur eyes looked over Merlins body as he pulled the men into his arms. There was nothing her could do, there were to many cuts, to many wounds and not enough time to heal him , he'd lost so much blood already.**

**Tears flowed from his eyes as Merlins eyes opened and looked into his. Arthur looked away at Merlins hands which still gripped the knife he'd used to destroy himself. Arthur ripped the knife out of merlins hands and threw it away as his body started trembling , but it wasn't like before, that was just out of anger or sadness now it seemed like he was physically falling apart as the one he loved most was slipping away from him.**

"**why" he whispered as his grip on Merlin tighten, as if the act itself would keep Merlin with him and not let him die.**

"**Arthur" Merlin whispered as a smile crept onto his face. Why was he smiling. He shouldn't be smiling, Arthur though to himself.**

" **why" he pleaded.**

" **Merlin please I need to know why you did this" he begged although he already knew the answer. **

" **I love you Arthur" Merlin whispered as he drew his last breath.**

"**Merlin" Arthur asked as he shook merlins body, but he didn't respond.**

**Arthur's tears where running down his face as Gaius tried to pull him away from merlins body but Arthur's grip was to tight and all Gaius did was drag them both a couple of centimetres to the left.**

"**Arthur" Morgona asked as she knelt down next to Arthur , Arthur didn't answer his eyes where still locked on Merlin. " how could I let this happen, I should have watched him more, I could have…." Arthur thought in his head**

"**Arthur" Morgona asked again this time wrapping her arms around him to try and stop his shaking. Gaius and Gwen kneeled beside Merlins body. Gwen shed he tears as Gaius closed Merlins eyes so he could be sleeping in Arthur's arms.**

"**its my fault" Arthur whispered for the 1****st**** time since Merlin had died.**

"**what" Morgona snapped, shocked that Arthur could even think that. Gaius and Gwen look between the pair, both confused about what was going on.**

" **how could you even think that Arthur" she scolded him**

" **but it is, if I had never told him how I felt he would be alive and safe" Arthur chocked out as more tears threatened to escape. " Arthur Merlin loved you , he would not want u blaming yourself for anything, please don't do this to yourself at least for Merlin" she pleaded with him, but Arthur just sat there staring at his pale face. **

**They tried for hours to move Arthur away, but failed every time, he would not even speak but only continued to gaze at Merlin as if he was willing his to wake up and come back to him. It was only in the early hours at the next morning that Arthur's body gave out on him and he drifted off to sleep. His 3 friends took him back to his room and made sure he was asleep in his bed before leaving. "they were together weren't they?" Gwen asked.**

"**yes" was the only answer she got from Morgona before she walked away.**

" **you don't think that's why he?" she began to ask but Gaius new what she was asking and spoke before she could finish.**

"**we'll never know my dear, but the one thing I am sure of is that Arthur is going to need as much help as we can give" Gwen nodded before they went there separated ways.**

**Next chapter**

_What is wrong with my son Gaius_

_He hasn't spoken to anyone since the funeral_

_Gwen have u seen Arthur today_

_Oh my god ………………..what have you done ……._


	2. chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_**Yeah in case you haven't figured out yet and I should have had some kind of warning in the last chapter this is a slash don't like it don't really no why ur still reading but anyway….. Oh as much as I wish I owned Merlin or any of I don't so yeh.**_

_**Gaius, Gwen and Morgona stood facing Uther. Arthur hadn't said a word since Merlins funeral, instead he would sit in the garden he had mad for Merlin and stare at his grave, Morgona had more then once walked past to see him curled up crying or come out after dark to find him passed out still lying there. It was clear to every one that Arthur was in more pain then he could handle and there was nothing they could do but stand back and let him grive.**_

"_**what's wrong with my son Gaius?" Uther sad coldly staring at the 3 in front of him,**_

"_**I..I'm not sure my lord" Gaius offered in a small voice. "what do you mean you don't know, you're a doctor(1) its your job to know what's wrong with people" Uther demanded slamming his hand down on the table, "that's sire but there's nothing physically wrong with Arthur" Gaius defended himself.**_

"_**how can you say that, have you not seen him, he doesn't speak, he barely eats, its like he's bewitched or something" he ranted **_

"_**whatever pain the prince has is only in his heart" Gwen interrupted.**_

"_**what are you talking about, Arthur has nothing to be sad about you stupid girl he has everything he could ever want" Uther stated but stoped when he heard Morgona's high pitched laugh. "oh don't play dumb Uther we all know why Arthur feels this way" she said not hiding the anger in her voice, "I don't know what you mean" Uther lied. **_

" _**yes you do and how awful id must have been for you to have a son that was happy, that smiled laughed, loved and was loved" she continued as Uthers face tightened, he new where this was going " but no you saw them as 'evil' and forced them apart , that worked well didn't it?"**_

"_**that still doesn't answer my Question what is wrong with my son?" Uther yelled **_

_**Gaius face saddened while Gwen shut her eyes trying not to think about the pale life less body they had found and how Arthur was being to look more and more like it.**_

"_**he lost all he cared about. You may have broken them apart, separated them but that doesn't mean they stopped loving each other. The day Merlin died Arthur lost his will to live, his soul vanished, his heart was buried with Merlin's body and he still blames himself, he has himself convinced that he drove Merlin to do what he did, but no Uther it was you. Your plan worked perfectly didn't it Merlin gone and now it seems that Arthur's not that far behind him" Morgona spat at Uther, she looked at her friends, both of them looked confused, she'd never told them about Uther finding out. She walked to the face the door before turning around to glare at Uther "I hope you pleased with yourself" she stated coldly before slamming the door behind her.**_

_**Earlier that morning the young prince had hidden himself in Merlins room. It was cold and dark, no one had been in here since Merlin's death. Arthur shuddered at the thought. He felt like he could still fell Merlin in his arms or the cold blood on his hands. He waited until he heard Gaius leave before he slowly walked down the stairs. **_

"_**hello" he called, his voice was nothing more then a broken whisper. He sighed with relief when no reply come. He slowly made his way over to Gaius work area. Arthur looked through everything until he found what he needed, a dark vile labelled with an X. He quickly made his way back up to Merlins room and through the secret passage back to his chambers. **_

_**The next day Arthur found himself staring at Merlins grave again. It was cold and raining. He shivered in the rain. Arthur picked up the vile and looked at it.**_

_**The description had told him that it was a dangerous poison that would cause anyone who drank it a painful but quick death, this was good, he wanted to feel pain.**_

"_**at least they wont find me until I'm dead" he though to himself. He looked at the grave again "I'm sorry Merlin….. I love you more then anything" he whispered as he lifted to vile to his lips.**_

_**(1) oh so I know that in the show they have some weird word that they use to say what Gaius job is but I can neither spell or even say it lol.**_

_**Ok so I no this is a little different from what I said would happen but go with me on this **_

_**Review if u feel like it **_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Ok so 1st off I have no idea why the whole last chapter was underlined it wasn't like that when I wrote it. So with that let's move on

_You where my light_

_You where my heart_

_You where all that I lived for _

_And now you're gone_

_My world id dark_

_My chest aches in pain at the very mention of the very whisper of your name_

_My life has lost its point_

_Because you're gone _

_And it's all my fault_

_I turned you away when all I wanted was to hold you close _

_I walked away when I heard your cry's when all I wanted was to wipe away your tears_

_And now you're gone and I'm still here_

_I'm sorry my love........ So, so sorry_

_Dear Morgona _

_I can only hope you're the one to find this. He's gone and it's all my fault. I don't care what you or Gwen say it makes no difference. He's dead and it because of me. If I had never told him I loved him, if I hadn't turned him away, if I'd protected him like I promised I would, he'd still be here. I never wanted to hurt anyone._

_I'm sorry. It's to hard. I can't live without him anymore, it hurts to much, all the memories coming back to me, causing my pain every time I close my eyes. It's too much for me. I feel like someone's cut my heart out of my chest and thrown it away. I can't do this anymore. Please don't cry for me. I want to be buried next to Merlin in our garden. If there was one thing I could wish for it would be that. I'm sorry. Don't cry for me._

_Arthur._

Morgona felt the note fall threw her hands. "no Arthurs not that sad, he hasn't lost his mind, he wouldn't" she tried to convince herself but the truth was drowning on her. "Gwen" she screamed "what is it my lady" Gwen's worried voice asked "where's Arthur" Morgona demanded "it's ok Morgona just calm down" Gwen whispered in a soft voice "WHERE IS HE" Morgona screamed, "he's in the garden" Gwen said taking a step back, Morgona pushed past Gwen and bolted from the room dropping the note as she went.

She ran past everyone not caring about the weird, angry or confused looks she got. As she ran a single thought kept creeping into her head but she pushed it away not willing to except the truth yet. "Arthur" she yelled as she barged into the garden, "oh my god Arthur" she chocked when she saw his pale body lying on the ground. She dropped to her knees, holdings his head in her hands she franticly looked around for any sign that he was still alive. Then she saw it.

The shattered pieces of a vile broken on the ground. Realisation of what was happening was drowning on her face. "HELP" she screamed through her tears "SOME ONE PLEASE, GAUISE" she turned back to Arthur's body. All the blood was gone from body, his face was scrunched up in pain. She felt tears leave her eyes at the sight. "Morgona, what's going on" Gaius voice, then he saw the pale body she was clinging to "Morgona what happened ?" "He ... he drank something, I found a note in his room but I.... I didn't think he would do it" she said pointing at the broken vile. Gaius looked at the vile and sighed. "What is it"

Morgona and Gaius both looked up in shock to see Uther on his knees looking at his fallen son. "I....threes.... I'm sorry" Gaius tried to explain. "Don't spare my feeling old man" Uther demanded. Gaius sighed and looked at Arthur, so pale already gone from this world, his skin was colder then anything he had ever felt "it seem that Arthur has... it looks like he has taken a poison that not only promises death to any drinker but causes them to feel as much pain as they can take. It can make you feel like you're being burnt from the inside out, or like you drowning without a single drop of water. It could have been treated but.... I'm sorry sire Arthurs been dead for longer then can tell" he explained but he could feel the tears running down his face

That night candles were lit all over the city in mourning. Morgona looked out the widow, "what do we do now?" Gwen asked, "His funeral will be held at dawn, he will be buried next to my father grave" Uther stated, Morgona hated the way he talked like he was unaffected by any of this. "No" she whispered loud enough for everyone to hear . "What" Uther asked, anger taking over his voice "he didn't want that" she chocked out as more tears fell, Gwen walked over and hugged her, slipping the forgotten note into her hands before letting go, "it was his only wish" Morgona tried to explain but Gwen took over " He planned this, I don't know how long for, all we know is that he wanted to buried with Merlin" she explained " you will not tell me how to burry my own son" Uther shouted. Morgona stumbles forward to Uther "please" she begged holding the note out to him. His face fell as he read it "please" she asked again, Uther only nodded in response

Hours later Morgona was sitting on Arthur's bed staring at nothing when she saw it. A small piece of paper folded and hidden under a cupboard. She dropped to the ground and opened it . The blood drained from her face when she read it. Merlin had left a note to.

_Dear Arthur_

_I'm sorry but it's ok, I wanted this. Please don't cry over me. Tell the dragon I'm sorry , turns out I won't be fulfilling my destiny after all._

_I never told you and it's my greatest mistake. All the times I wish I had but never did. I was scared I guess. I'm a warlock. I use magic. I was meant to protect you with it buy it turns out you were the one protecting me. I never felt as safe or more loved then I did when you held me in your arms. You made me fill whole like you filled a part of me I never knew was missing. But them my world come crashing down just like I knew it would. I wish I could live like this but I can't. (1) Cause honestly I'm not that strong, I'm not that strong, I'm broken inside. I don't want to live this way anymore, in a world without you._

_I love you and always will. Merlin. _

Morgona fell to the floor. Both the men in her life that she cared more than anything about were gone. All because the love and loss they had shared caused them more pain and hurt then they could handle. She took Merlins note along with Arthur and threw them into the fire. No one had known Merlins secret and that's how it would stay. Arthur would have protected Merlin at any cost, the least she could do was keep his secret.

It was cold as dawn hit. The city had gathered to say goodbye to their prince. Uther made a speech and 3 friends stood together on the side lines. After everyone left Morgona sat in-between the 2 graves and smiled. "Now you can be together forever" she said before leaving them side by side until the worlds end.


End file.
